Bolvist leaned over and snatched his only piece of bread back from Ding. Knocking the little miscreant backwards, Bolvist stuffed the bread in his mouth. The little creature fell into a tub of water that the half-orc had just used for bathing. “Humgf,” the rogue sighed happily. “Best part of my day, right there.”
“Help! Help!” Called the sarcastic little voice from inside the bucket, “I’m going to smell like half-orc now forever.” The tiny man climbed out of the water and sat on the rim. He wiped something that looked like a huge booger off his cheek.
Bolvist smiled through crooked teeth. He grunted and barked, ‘You know we were just fine without you little pixie shits, and we can be that way once more, right?”
“Sure Bolvy!” yelped Ding, and his partner in crime chimed in as well.
“I should have known you’d show up, Dong,” spat the half orc. “Leave my shoe laces alone, you little bastard.”
“Well, I just finished letting your mama sharpen my broadsword, so I was running a little late for your yearly bath there, big fella,” quipped the brownie. “No need to be grumpy though.” And both he and the other lost their heads laughing.
Bolvist ignored them. This only had one conclusion if he kept letting them win, and he hadn’t enough ale with him out here in the wilds. “You know, you little goblin shits, I never asked you how you happened to be in the beast’s lair anyway. I realize you lost your bauble, but what the hell were you doing there. What, were you out turd collecting or something?”
“Oh no, Master Bolvy. Not turds that night. Although we did lose our bauble there. Mostly because of stupid Dong.” This led to hitting and splashing and both brownies nearly wound up in the water this time.
Dong, pushing Ding away, stood on the bucket’s edge and answered. “Tiresias told us to go, you big stupid.”
“Tiresias? The sage from Haven? How do you know that name?!”
“You stupid pooper man,” Ding said. “Most of you dummies don’t even call him that anyway.”
Bolvist didn’t take the bait. He would never get anywhere unless he asked the questions he wanted. “And how long do you plan to be around?”
“Not long, just while you need us,” said Ding, sitting up, his hands on his knees.
Now it was Bolvist’s turn to crack up. He laughed long and hard. “I assume they have important bauble business to attend to elsewhere!”
“Maybe!” cried Ding. And he stood on the edge next to Dong. Together, they looked completely insulted. Hands on their hips, their chins sticking out in the air.
“You think you’re the only heroes that need saving from time to time, Big Pooper?”