She attacks a CR3, and only scrapes her knee
Her armor has gotten itself a tiny tear (boo)
She waltzes on her way to battle
And whistles without care.
And underneath her wimple
She keeps a dagger in her hair
I even heard her singing while she’s stabbing!
She’s always first for killing
But her penitence is real (Molly!)
She’s always first for treasure
Except when it’s not included in the deal.
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Areia’s not afraid of any baddies!
I’d like to say a word in her behalf
Areia makes me laugh
How do you solve a problem like Ariea?!
How do you catch a pixie and pin it down?
How do you find a way to kill Areia?
An ancient blue dragon! A will-o’-the wisp?! A clown?!
Many a cursed item you’d like to gift her
Many a roll she ought to never save
But how do you make her fail
And stop drinking up all the ale?
How do you take her daggers from her dead hand?
Oh, how do you solve a DM’s problem like Areia?
How do you hold a dead rogue in your golem’s hand?
When she moves we’re all confused
But she is still bemused
About to die but then she rolls another crit.
Unpredictable as weather
She’s as flighty as a feather
She jumps on the dragon! She stabs the demon! Shit!
She’d outpester any pest
Drive a wyvern from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She’s dexterous! She is wild!
She’s got spells now! She’s a child!
She’s a headache! She’s a thief!
She’s a girl!
How do you solve a problem like Areia?
How do you catch a rogue when it’s in town?
How do you find a way to waylay Areia?
A collection of brigands! A will-o’-the wisp! The clown!!!
Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
Oh, perhaps a Beholder’s ray!
One of these glorious days
We’ll find her old bones buried in the sand!!!
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Areia?
How do you hold a dead rogue in your hand?